You know, having a baby is a pretty crazy thing. The pregnancy crawls by and then finally, the big day comes. In a whirlwind, the baby arrives, family visits, and then life continues with one extra person added into the mix. It seems like, without warning, life speeds up.
But I have been thinking for the past few days about Steph. I will never forget being in that delivery room with her. She was so excited. I was patting her hand and keeping her head cool with a damp cloth. Finally, the doctor came in. As Steph began to push, I began to watch the doctor's face. I could see something wasn't quite right. Adison wasn't progressing properly. The doctor tried suction and forceps...still nothing. Finally, the doctor shook his head and confirmed my thoughts: She had to have an emergency c-section. The nurse tossed me some scrubs while Steph was whisked away to the operating room. Once I had my outfit on, I was instructed to sit in a chair until I was called back to be with her. The prep seemed to take forever. So I sat in an empty hallway, alone. I was so scared and I knew I couldn't let her see it in my face. I was pretty shook up and cried for a moment to relieve my tension.
When they called me back, I was a bit disoriented. I could see Steph's belly. The doctors already had her open. I was rushed behind the curtain to be at her side. Both of her arms were outstretched. I placed my hand in hers and whispered in her ear to let her know I was there. We sat there for what seemed like forever. She was scared more than I had ever seen her before. Finally after a few tense moments, we heard Adison take his first breath and let out a cry. Funny how the first one is beautiful. We could hear him choking on the fluid in his air way. After a few moments, we saw him for the first time. I can remember seeing Steph look at him. I don't think it really hit her that she was looking at her son. The nurse handed him to me and we carried him off to the nursery.
As I carried that little bundle, I had a mixture of emotions that I had never felt before. The thought of leaving Steph laid out on an operating table...I wanted to hand Adison to the nurse and return to my wife. Not that I did not love my son, because I did. I felt so awful. My son was new to the world, but my heart was not with him. It was with Steph.
I made several trips from the nursery to the recovery room to check on her. I know it was hard on her. She missed the first few hours of his life. It is a time that she can never get back. I took pictures, but that is all she has. Since that time, she has mentioned this experience to me and always it brings tears to her eyes. Eighteen hours of hard work...only to have your baby taken from you and placed in a nursery.
Adison will grow up and love his mommy. He will see her every day of his life and know what it is like to be loved by a wonderful woman. At the end of her struggle, she finally held him in her arms and was able to love on him. He will never understand what she went through to bring him into this world. He will never understand the prize he is to her...but I do.
-Jonathan